I have gotten a lot of responses to the last two posts, and I sincerely appreciate everyone’s interest and feedback.  Almost all of the feedback that I have gotten has been very positive, but I wanted to comment on something that was said by more than one person.

“Does trying to make people like me, if I really don’t like them make it a lie?”

I can certainly understand this question and concern, I do not advocate anything less than being genuine and honest.  I hold integrity as a very high personal virtue.  How then do I reconcile this seemingly incongruent actively of striving to be likable in the company of people who may not be my first choice for personal friendships?

I find it congruent and true to treat other people as if I like them because in actuality I do like them.  I like the vast majority of people, or at least some aspects of them. There are very few people that I have met that I have found to be completely disagreeable.  For me, it is a matter of understanding people from their perspective and in the correct context.  I have found that there are admirable and likable qualities in all people. 

The trick is in finding the things that you do like about a person and that can make all the difference, even if they are small things or personal interests from outside of the office.  For some, you will like more things than others and there is nothing wrong with that.

All relationships fall on a spectrum of how much you “like” someone.  This could be evaluated on a scale, 1 for a mortal enemy and 10 for your closest loved ones.  Most relationships would fall somewhere in the middle.  You could be happy that to have coffee or lunch with some people, but you would never consider taking a vacation with them.

It is the same way in the workplace, you don’t have to be best friends with everyone in the office but being likable and finding something that you can like or respect in everyone else will help you to create and maintain a positive and productive work environment where you can get along and share ideas.

The person you think that you cannot get along with as a co-worker, might be a very likable and agreeable person as a next door neighbor.

I believe that at heart, everyone wants to do a good job, get along and be well respected.  People do the best that they can in the manner that they know how.  Try to put yourself in the other person’s position and see the situation from their perspective.  Pretend that you are that other person and that you are in the exact same circumstances with the same information, education and background that they have.  Chances are that you would probably make many of the same decisions.

I know that you think that you would act differently or make different decisions, but would you really?

If you were taught that a certain management style was the way to be a successful manager, then why would you do it differently?  If you had come from a military background where authority was not to be questioned or disobeyed, would you expect it from those that reported to you?

Model yourself after the world’s diplomats who must be respected and likable while striving to see the world from another’s point of view to find agreement, and maybe we can do the same over the cubicle walls.

Questions, Comments and Concerns always welcome email@mark-malone.com

-Mark

Thanks for all of the great feedback so far!  I am very glad that people are reading this and I love getting so many questions.  Please let me know what’s on your mind.

I knew that I would get this post out of the way early because it is a topic that I talk about all of the time.

Other people can make you hate your Job

Dealing with difficult people can make even the best job a nightmare.  Human interaction can actually be the hardest part of some jobs.  Challenges can run from inconsiderate co-workers who don’t make the next pot of coffee to bullies, saboteurs, credit stealers and manipulative bosses, the list goes on forever.

The fact that you need to get along well with other people at work to be successful seems like such a common sense topic.  We all want to get along, do our best, and succeed.  We also want people to think rationally, be respectful, considerate and helpful.  So, let’s be realistic and face the fact that some people and situations can very be difficult to deal with.

There have been tons of articles and posts on this topic, so I don’t want to cover old ground, but the fact of the matter is that most people don’t actually know how to deal with these types of situations.

I will tell you here and now the best plan for dealing with all of these problems can come down to a single strategy.

Ready? …

… Make people like you!

People tend to not act like jerks to people that they like.

No kidding, you say??  Maybe I don’t want to be friends with the office bully!  I am not suggesting that you should, but if they like you, your life will be infinitely more enjoyable.

The great thing is that there is a time tested and proven way to make people like you.

How to Win Friends and Influence People

I want you to get a copy of “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie.  It will be without a doubt one of the most important books that you ever read.  The last time I checked it was $11.78 in paperback from Amazon.

In high school I was an awkward teenager that didn’t really fit in, I found all the answers that worked for me in a book written in 1936 and of all the personal development materials that I have studied since, I have not yet found a more relevant or useful book.

I believe that every single person should be required to read Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People”.  I have personally bought this book and handed it out to dozens of people.  I re-read it at least once a year to remind myself of the principles.

This is Not Manipulation

I have gotten varying responses from people when I recommend this book or hand it to them.  Most people are turned off by the title, thinking that it is a book about manipulation or salesmanship.  This book could easily have been titled “How to deal with difficult people” or “How to actually BE a good person”

Do not dismiss this as an instruction book on how to be a fake person.  I do not believe in insincerity and this book does not promote it.  The simple truth is that to be more successful, the best place to start is by becoming a better person.  This book is about what everyone was supposed to learn in grade school.  You have nothing to lose but the time to read it.

It can change your Life

I would say that this one book has so shaped my life and my personality that it is the foundation of my career, of how I approach life and even the intent and content of this blog.  From reflection on this one book I have established in myself the core belief that if I always put other people first, be sincere and help everyone that I can whether I get paid for it or not, then everything will work out for me.

I am not pushing this book because I want you to buy it from me.  In fact, I am intentionally not putting up an affiliate link or selling the book directly.

What is it all about?

The book is broken into four parts addressing

Part 1: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

• More Appropriate Title: (How to deal with difficult and rude people effectively)

Part 2: Ways to Make People Like You

• More Appropriate Title: (Ways to be a better person)

Part 3: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

• More Appropriate Title: (How to communicate more effectively)

Part 4: Be a Leader

• More Appropriate Title: (How to grow and succeed in Life)

I do not want to do a full review of the book that has been done well on other sites.  Here is the best review that I found.

http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2007/06/10/review-how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people/

In order to be a Consulting Super Star you must be committed to continuing education and “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie is the most important textbook that you will ever own.

Please let me know what you think.  If you read this book and think that it is a waste of your time I will be shocked.

What do you Think?

Have you read it?  What is the most effective idea or most important principle to you?

-Mark

I had a very interesting question come in yesterday via email and I think it makes a great topic for discussion.

To paraphrase the question, a very skilled Business Analyst working as a consultant asked:

When talking to a potential new client how much information can I share or talk about from previous clients without violating confidentiality agreements?

This is a great question and always a hard one to answer, because as a business analyst one of your primary functions is to analyze and understand complex business processes and author documents detailing how these processes work or the plans for improvement.  This is obviously critical information for your client and highly confidential.

How then can you demonstrate to a new client that you as the consultant have the skills that you say you have, without showing them other clients’ confidential information?

The answer is of course that you have to and you can’t.

You have to prove that you can deliver the goods and you can’t violate the trust of prior clients.  When asked to see samples, and everything that you have written is confidential, you certainly have a challenge to deal with.  But if handled properly your potential clients will be satisfied that you have the skills and will respect you for keeping your word on confidentiality.

I have done some significant Business Analyst work in the past and have generated some high quality documents during those projects.  I believe that I have already explained my role with Extolutions.  You can check out my background on LinkedIn.  I am a partner in the firm and I try to stay as hands on as possible.  I manage some client relationships, recruit new consultants, and bill directly to clients working alongside of our consultants.

I have been very proud of my work, and of course wanted to use it to help me get the next job by showing the quality of my work.  So how have I overcome this challenge?

As a rule, a company will not want you to share any information that you have produced for them.  Here is what I have done in the past to help with building a portfolio and a provable track record.

• I do not keep electronic copies of the work that I have done for a client after the engagement has finished.  I turn everything over.  If I have done any work off site, I delete the electronic copies that I had.
• If you are working as an truly independent consultant for a fixed price or fee for a deliverable then you can specify before beginning your engagement that you want to retain the right to use certain documents as part of your resume portfolio.  Most often this is not the case.

Permission

The key to doing this right is to get permission from you client while you are still engaged.

• There may be some documents that you have written that are not sensitive at all.  If that is the case then ask for permission to add them to your professional portfolio.
• After completing a deliverable that I was exceptionally proud of, I would (on my own time) strip all of the company detail and confidential information out of the document.  Replacing all references to anything identifiable within the organization with a generic term such as “Large Pharmaceutical Company”
• I would then submit this document to my manager requesting permission to add the document to my personal portfolio.
• If explained properly most managers will be very agreeable once they understand your objective.  Particularly if you had shown them similar documents to get your current position.
• I would not do this for more than 1 document with a particular client.   You never want to create work for your client if you can help it.
• Reinforce that you are not looking for a new job, just keeping your portfolio up-to-date as a professional consultant.
• You should be proud of your work and want to show others.
• If they say No do not press the issue at all.  Just thank them for considering it and let it drop.  But if they do say no then your manager may be more inclined to give you a recommendation.

Recommendations

• I actively ask for references and recommendations of all my clients, both hard copy letters and via LinkedIn.
• When asking for a recommendation your timing is critically important.  The best time to ask is after you have delivered something or just after you have some level of praise or positive feedback.
• Kindly ask if they would mind giving you a recommendation.  Offer to write it for them and submit to them for approval and signature.
• I always print these out and include them with my resume when interviewing for a new job.
• I want to show all potential future clients that I am good at what I do and that they will be satisfied if they hire me.
• When interviewing I offer to setup a reference call with a previous client if they would like.

If you have done a good job and you are not overbearing in asking for assistance, I have not encountered any resistance.  If you are good at what you do I have found that most people are willing to help you build your professional credibility, you only need to ask.

I hope this helps.  Please let me know what you think and please ask any questions that you might have.  I have probably answered most questions dozens of times over the last 15 years.  But if I don’t have the answer I will find it out for you.  My entire goal with this blog is to help.

-Mark