I have gotten a lot of responses to the last two posts, and I sincerely appreciate everyone’s interest and feedback.  Almost all of the feedback that I have gotten has been very positive, but I wanted to comment on something that was said by more than one person.

“Does trying to make people like me, if I really don’t like them make it a lie?”

I can certainly understand this question and concern, I do not advocate anything less than being genuine and honest.  I hold integrity as a very high personal virtue.  How then do I reconcile this seemingly incongruent actively of striving to be likable in the company of people who may not be my first choice for personal friendships?

I find it congruent and true to treat other people as if I like them because in actuality I do like them.  I like the vast majority of people, or at least some aspects of them. There are very few people that I have met that I have found to be completely disagreeable.  For me, it is a matter of understanding people from their perspective and in the correct context.  I have found that there are admirable and likable qualities in all people. 

The trick is in finding the things that you do like about a person and that can make all the difference, even if they are small things or personal interests from outside of the office.  For some, you will like more things than others and there is nothing wrong with that.

All relationships fall on a spectrum of how much you “like” someone.  This could be evaluated on a scale, 1 for a mortal enemy and 10 for your closest loved ones.  Most relationships would fall somewhere in the middle.  You could be happy that to have coffee or lunch with some people, but you would never consider taking a vacation with them.

It is the same way in the workplace, you don’t have to be best friends with everyone in the office but being likable and finding something that you can like or respect in everyone else will help you to create and maintain a positive and productive work environment where you can get along and share ideas.

The person you think that you cannot get along with as a co-worker, might be a very likable and agreeable person as a next door neighbor.

I believe that at heart, everyone wants to do a good job, get along and be well respected.  People do the best that they can in the manner that they know how.  Try to put yourself in the other person’s position and see the situation from their perspective.  Pretend that you are that other person and that you are in the exact same circumstances with the same information, education and background that they have.  Chances are that you would probably make many of the same decisions.

I know that you think that you would act differently or make different decisions, but would you really?

If you were taught that a certain management style was the way to be a successful manager, then why would you do it differently?  If you had come from a military background where authority was not to be questioned or disobeyed, would you expect it from those that reported to you?

Model yourself after the world’s diplomats who must be respected and likable while striving to see the world from another’s point of view to find agreement, and maybe we can do the same over the cubicle walls.

Questions, Comments and Concerns always welcome email@mark-malone.com

-Mark